Brian Regan Performing at Arena February 2014 in Salt Lake City

After my prior post, you might be reading this website to keep up with all things Brian Regan. You will be excited to find out that you can buy tickets to his show in Salt Lake City on Feb. 28, 2014 at Energy Solutions Arena, where the Utah Jazz play.

An e-mail announcing a pre-sale for Regan’s show advertised that this is the first arena venue for a [headlining] comic. Wow, that’s quite an achievement! Here is how I imagine the conversation went between Regan and his manager:

INT. OFFICE – DAY

BRIAN REGAN, 50s and overweight because he hasn’t woken up to the virtues of the Paleo lifestyle, lays on a couch tossing a football up in the air to himself. His slick MANAGER sits behind a glass desk checking messages on his phone.

MANAGER

Brian, baby! Salt Lake City loves ya’. Should we do twelve shows this year instead of ten?

Brian sits up, missing the catch.

BRIAN

Oh, fetch. There has got to be a way we can take money from the Utahns without having to spend TWO FRIGGIN’ WEEKS there.

MANAGER

Dude, I know.

(beat)

I got it! We’ll do the first arena venue for any comic ever! We’ll get ’em all in ONE NIGHT!

BRIAN

I don’t know. A lot of my comedy involves facial expressions. How are people gonna’ see that from the nose bleed seats at the Delta Center?

Brian pops a Lipitor pill in his mouth because he still hasn’t woken up to the Paleo lifestyle, just like all the other sheeple. Otherwise he would know that big pharma is making almost everything worse whereas a low-carb diet could solve all his problems. In fact, if Brian and his ex-wife had just been on the Paleo diet, its well-being benefits could have saved their marriage.

MANAGER

They call it Energy Solutions Arena now. Some nuclear waste people bought the naming rights a couple years ago. No problem. We’ll just have a camera on you and feed it to the Jumbotron.

BRIAN

Actually, they use a YESCO HD Video Board, not Sony. But if people wanted to see me on a screen, wouldn’t they just watch my DVD’s at home instead of fighting traffic?

MANAGER

Salt Lake has light rail, and Brian, babe, would you rather spend one night in Salt Lake City or two weeks?

Brian picks up a donut from the well-appointed donut box on the coffee table.

BRIAN

Call the Jazz and tell ’em I’m coming.

Brian takes a bite. The Lipitor causes him to swallow funny, so he chokes and coughs up a bolus across the room and onto the glass desk.

MANAGER

Eww.

NOTES:
I made a donut and cholesterol theme because I recently listened to Brian Regan being interviewed on the Paul Mecurio podcast, and they talked about it.
Brian Regan’s record setting set of shows in SLC.
Info about the YESCO video display at ESA.
Mark’s Daily Apple regarding diet and mood.
More nutrition and mood info.
Statin drugs are dumb and dangerous.
More cholesterol.

@optotrician: This is Safe, Right?

I was halfway done administrating non-contact tonometry (a.k.a. air puff test) when a 30-something man asked, “This is safe, right?”

To which I replied, “Well, yah. A small percentage of people could faint, but…pretty safe.”

To be fair, I have never had anyone faint after the air puff, but I have had two different men almost faint (lightheaded, sweating, nausia, paleness) after Goldmann applanation tonometry and corneal foreign body and rust-ring removal.

It helps to be prepared for the vasovagal response, so I have on hand an ammonia-based respiratory stimulant and Sunny Delight sugary punch.

@optotrician: Time for an Eye Exam

Don't talk to Willie!
Don’t talk to Willie!
Our Walmart Vision Center has a life-size poster of a tough-looking beared guy from Duck Dynasty. Someone thought it would be fun to put a Walmart name tag with the name “Willie” on it.

It’s strange having Willie in the optical because you see him out of the corner of your eye and you instinctively have to look over at him to see who’s there, but the then you feel stupid because you’ve already told yourself a thousand times before that Willie is just a cardboard picture.

The other day, an optician saw a lady trying to talk to Willie and asking a question. Of course it was only for a few seconds, but it was a couple seconds longer than most people would talk to a cardboard picture.

The VC manager decided to take the name badge of Willie after that. Now most people just come over and have a picture taken with cardboard Willie.

New Year’s Resolution: Stop Losing It!

Police officer asks man with dilated eye to show contact Rx as proof of recent eye exam. He replies that of course he lost it already.
optoblog comic #27 Stop Losing It!

If it’s the law that I have to give them the Rx, then can it be the law that they have to keep it? Or pay for another one? Or pay to have it faxed or verified by a third party?

I have seen contact lens Rx’s on the black top of the Walmart parking lot. Can’t people at least take it home before throwing it away?

I wouldn’t be so annoyed, but lately lots of people have been asking for copies of their Rx, and every time I feel like asking, “What happened to the one I already gave you?”

I don’t get paid to fill it out the second time, you know.

@optotrician: Sunwear in Jewelry?

Guy with thick accent (Indian?) holding up $9.99 sunglasses: Do you have anything cheaper than this?
Optician: Over in jewelry there are more sunglasses.
Guy: Yes. Cheaper?
Optician: I don’t know for sure, but probably a few might be cheaper.
Guy just stands there.
Optician pointing to jewelry: Over in jewelry.
Guy: Where?
Optician: Look right over there. Jewelry.
Guy: Sunglasses?
Optician: Yes, a different selection over in jewelry.
Guy: Cheaper?
Optician: You’ll have to look and see.

I did an eye exam almost 3 years ago. The patient paid their copay. A couple weeks later the insurance paid the rest, a whopping $15. Almost three years later the insurance said their payment was made in error, so I have to remit to them a check for $15 or else a future EOB would have $15 deducted.
Whatever, they can deduct it, but I ain’t sending a check. Do they expect me to send the patient a statement for $15 for an exam from three years ago? Never mind the patient has probably moved, and even if they haven’t, they will probably shrug off the statement like I did from the insurance.
A month later the insurance takes $15 from one of my EOB payments. Luckily I don’t bother billing the patient because a week later, they sent me a check for the same patient’s three-year-old visit!
Make up your mind, insurance company!
[UPDATED: Today BCBS sent me ANOTHER letter saying that they overpaid me for this patient when they repaid me! Eat poop, BlueCross!]

I had a patient who has a really big head and his regular size glasses were making an indented, red scar in front of his ears. Of course I recommend the largest style frame we have called FatHeadz. He finds one he likes, and it fits his head perfectly. The optician enters the order, but the lab calls and says they can’t make it. It turns out he has a small PD; therefore, they don’t make a lens blank large enough for his combo of large frame, small pd. Poor guy.

@optotrician: Nice Soup-strainer!

There is a different vaccine nurse at the table in front of the V.C. every day!

I observed a guy with the biggest mustache I’ve ever beheld. Imagine walking around with a dresser comb under your nose all day. Then, later the same day I saw another guy with what is now the biggest mustache I’ve ever seen! Just think of a blond Yosimite Sam.

It is my experience that youth who have trouble with the NCT and dilation drops tend to be unsuccessful at learning to insert contact lenses. But a teenage boy surprised me recently when after 20 minutes of trying, I had him take the contacts home to practice. He returned for a followup being successful!

This week I had a day where 100% of my exams were contact lens patients! Crazy! (It’s usually ~50%.)

Atkins/Paleo/VLC Diets in AMD, DES, and other Eye Conditions

I would like to propose that someone perform a series of studies regarding living a low carbohydrate/high fat diet and its effect on inflammation-related eye disease.

I read The Art and Science of Low Carbohydrate Living: An Expert Guide to Making the Life-Saving Benefits of Carbohydrate Restriction Sustainable and Enjoyable by Drs. Stephen Phinney and Jeff Volek. An interesting conclusion is how our bodies become carbohydrate intolerant as we age, which pushes many people into metabolic syndrome, diabetes, and hyperlipidemia. It turns out that carbohydrates, by taxing our insulin response, cause inflammation.

Hence, the American Heart Association’s war on fatty food is misguided (see Good Calories, Bad Calories by Gary Taubes) because dietary fat is only bad in the presence of too much carb intake.  While there are some high omega-6 oils which increase inflammation, it is easy for people on Very Low Carbohydrate (VLC) diets to intake the good fats like olive oil, canola oil, high-oleic safflower oil, butter, animal fats, and coconut oil. In VLC diets, your daily Caloric intake is approximately 80% fat, 15% protein, and 5% carbohydrate.

Recent research, CE lectures, and trade articles have been advising us to tell our patients to increase their omega-3 fatty acid intake via Fish/Flaxseed oil pills.  With the latest research coming from Dr. Phinney et al, wouldn’t it be more responsible to educate them regarding the New Atkins/Paleo/VLC diets?

VLC diets are already proven to tighten diabetes control which we know decreases incidence of diabetic retinopathy. Logic tells me that Atkins/Paleo/VLC will soon be proven to reduce incidence and/or severity of macular degeneration, dry eye syndrome, and any eye condition related to inflammation.

So, anybody want to do some studies?

I’d start by visiting this helpful website and reading these books:

DISCLOSURES:

Dr. David Langford before-after 50 weight loss (6'0"- 221 to 170)
With all the lost weight, I have the energy to carry other things! 😉
In 2010 I lost 35-45 pounds using the hCG diet, but could never keep off the last 10 lbs, so in 2012 I switched to the New Atkins. Now I easily maintain a 50 lb weight loss (221 to 170), and my body doesn’t even crave things like pizza and popcorn.
Also, if you click on the links above and actually buy a book, I get a tiny referral bonus from Amazon.
David-Langford-weight-loss-history
Dr. Langford’s weight loss history.

@optotrician: The Phantom Menace

Older female to college-age male: “You are a menace to society. You need to get married.” (I think she was quoting Brigham Young, but it turns out no one can substantiate that quote.)

Loud Lady at Flu Shot table: “No, I can’t take flu shot, but she nayd tetanus and diphtheria. Is thayt included in the flu shot?” (It turns out the flu shot nurse also does other vaccines.)

@optotrician Stop Sweating So Much

Is there anything I can do to not get that gunk buildup by the nose pads?
An ultrasonic cleaner will take out the gunk. To help it not build up, try cleaning your glasses daily under the sink with dish soap that doesn’t contain lemon.

Yesterday I didn’t have to bill a single insurance. I love no insurance days.

New phones chirp like the phones in IHS used to. They also chirp louder and more frequently if no one picks them up quickly.

Lately people are confusing the non-contact tonometer with dilation. “Okay, I’m going to put some drops in your eyes to dilate them.”
Didn’t we already do that with the puff of air?
“No, that was just an eye pressure measurement.” (I already explained that when doing it, BTW.)

AlwaysCare website is down, probably due to hurricane Isaac since the call center is apparently in Baton Rouge. Earlier in the day, the website just timed out. Later it has this message: “AlwaysAssist website is currently having technical difficulties.. Please check back later to access any information. Thank you for your patience. For immediate assistance, please call [toll-free and local numbers] in Baton Rouge. ”

Of course all circuits are busy when you try to call that number. I think it’s ridiculous that they don’t have redundant servers across the country available. I guess these hurricanes inconvenience everybody…