Clean Optometry Jokes Part 1

I’ve mentioned before how there is a shortage of good, clean optometry jokes. Well, here are some clean ones:

What is a good name for an eye doctor?
Iris.

How come optometry students are so dumb compared to med school students?
Because they only ever get C’s on their tests.

How come eye doctors are so smart?
Because they were good pupils.

What did the myopic eye say to the nose?
I’m watching you!

What did the GP say to the eyeball at a party?
I’ll contact you later.

What is an eye doctor’s favorite type of makeup?
Masclera.

Jokes That Don’t Translate Well

Sometimes jokes don’t make sense unless you know the local customs and/or language. Here are three jokes that come to mind:
Guatemala:

  • A mother sends her son to the tienda down the street to get some tortillas. At the tienda the T.V. is playing the Miss America Pageant. When the boy returns home he says, “Mommy, Mommy! At the tienda I saw on the television Miss California, Miss Arizona, and Miss Oregon!”
    His mom replies, “And mis tortillas?”
    “Uh, no, her I didn’t see.”
    [When you say “Miss” and “mis” pronounce is like meece.]
  • A motorist gets pulled over by the police. The officer asks the man, “Can I see your drivers license?”
    “Would you believe it, officer?” said the man. “I left my license in my other pants.”
    “Okay, then. How about your vehicle registration,” asked the policeman.
    “Would you believe it, officer, I left that in my other pants as well.”
    “Ohhhh!” Exclaimed the policeman. “And don’t tell me that you left your billfold in your other pants too!”
    [You have to bribe the police to avoid going to jail for made up violations.]


Canada:

Q: What do you call a traffic jam on the reservation?
A: A blood clot!
[They’re called Blood Reserves up there.]

Answers to Your Search Questions – Part 2

In my first edition of Answers to Your Search Questions – Part 1, I answered 20 questions…as a public service. I’m at it again in Part 2. Again the idea is that people have come to my site from a web search, looking for answers. I am now going to explicitly answer them (explicitly as in specifically and openly-not the other way you were thinking about).

  1. “Biofinity contacts” – Okay, I made a huge mistake by thinking that someone was out to get Biofinity, and I’ve never been able to live it down. It’s by far the most hit blog entry on my site. Big egg on my face. I should take the post down, but I hear that’s bad form, so I just made another post retracting my error. Please, let’s just put all this behind us. It’s not like I forgot to pay $130K in taxes or something (oh, wait, that’s rewarded in this country).
  2. “optometrist blog” and “optometry blog” – Nothing to say here. I don’t even have one snarky comment.
  3. “can you get rich working as a walmart optometrist” – No, but to be fair, you can’t get rich being any kind of optometrist.
  4. “getting around vsp at walmart” – I find it hard to believe an optometrist would want to be this unethical; however, you could try getting paneled to VSP at a private practice. Then advise VSP that you need to update the practice location address (to your Walmart location but you don’t say that). Eventually they will discover your deceit when they figure out that you aren’t selling any eyewear, but at least you stuck it to them for a little while. You should also do the same for EyeMed. Then you should go rob a bank and kidnap someone for ransom.
  5. “2008 better than oasys contact lenses biofinity” – I would say that in the year 2008 Acuvue Oasys sold more pairs than Biofinity, so you could make an argument that it’s better. On the other hand, Biofinity just came out with 1 week extended wear and it’s a one month lens whereas in the U.S., Oasys is a two week lens, so Biofinity comes out on top for cost-effectiveness. I would say try them both and see what you think. Ask your eye doctor if extended wear is right for your eyes in these lenses.
  6. “http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/optometrysucks/message/1424” – This isn’t a web search but it does show that someone in that Yahoo group linked to me. I’ve said before that I don’t condone this group, or rather, it’s name. Optometry definitely doesn’t suck. If you aren’t in it, be aware of it’s problems before getting in so that we have less whiners.
  7. “acuvue oasys vs biofinity” – I normally wear Ciba Night and Day, but I’ve tried both of these. I’ve even done Biofinity on extended wear. I like it. Anyway, see above. Ask your eye doctor if extended wear is right for your eyes and contact lens material.
  8. “officemate eyecare software crack” – You know, the yearly fee to keep Officemate up and running is around $1200. I’m sure you could pay some kid less than that to come up with a crack. But then, why stop there? I hear robbing banks and kidnapping for ransom will also help you have more money to spend.
  9. “s codes in optometry and dilation fees” – The last billing expert I heard said that you can’t charge extra for dilation. S codes are awesome. I use them all the time.
  10. “how to make the most out of being optometrist” – Start a blog for your personal therapy. Make sure you get plenty of time away from work. When you get sick and tired of explaining presbyopia or saying “which is better,” then try to imagine what you will be doing after work. You’ll say the same things over and over again so much that you could say them on autopilot, leaving you to think about other stuff, like your next blog entry.
  11. “optometrist wedding favors” – Okay, that’s just weird. Can’t you let them be just a person on their wedding day? Why do you have to remind them of work?
  12. “bad things about being an optometrist” – I think there is a Yahoo groups site about this.
  13. “what do eye doctors think of their jobs” – I can’t speak for everybody, but I like it. There are much worse jobs.
  14. “optometrist lifestyle” – We run around in private planes, eat caviar, and schmooze with celebrities and politicians. When we’re not doing that, we’re working in a dark room, saying the same things over and over.

Okay, that will do. As I collect more data, I’ll be sure to respond in future editions.

Answers to Your Search Questions – Part 1

You may not realize it, but I know the web page you visited just before coming to my site. So for example, if you went to Google and did a search for “optometry blog,” I see in my logs that you just came from the site “http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&fkt=1859&fsdt=5568&q=optometry+blog&btnG=Google+Search”
(By the way, I’m number one on the list today. You could be if you bothered to blog.)

It’s really interesting to see what search terms get people to my site. I think it would be even more interesting to analyze and respond to questions implied by people’s search keywords. As a public service, I will now respond to actual search terms and attempt to answer any implied questions. Seriously, I am not making these up. It is not a comprehensive list, but these particular ones make good blogging fodder.

  1. “career switch from optometry” – I hear ya’, brother, but do you really want to throw away four extra years of school and over $150K? Is optometry really that bad?
  2. “do optometrists make lots of money?” – Yes, they put a question mark in their search. No, we don’t is the short answer, but more on specifics down the list.
  3. “why become an optometrist” – Only because you love it, but that begs the question: How do you know if you would love it unless you already became an optometrist?
  4. “easiest optometry school to get into” – Okay, first of all, this person hopefully won’t get into optometry school, but I think it’s safe to say that the answer to the quesiton is Pacific University because, hey, they took me. (That was a joke.)
  5. “walmart optometrist average salaries” – There are only a few optometrists in the country actually employed by Walmart. In many states that scenario is illegal (stupid government interference.) Walmart optometrists working on a contracted lease only make what they get from exam fees, so it’s not a salary because you aren’t guaranteed an income. The Optometric Business Academy publishes a yearly survey of Walmart and Sam’s Club affiliated optometrists and the median gross fee income is: $161K for 2007 and $167,473 for 2008. Keep in mind your net will be at least 20% less.
  6. “optometry debt” – I don’t have any statistics, but most of my class was around $100-150K and that was 2003. Now a days it’s becoming debatable whether the loan debt is worth your potential income. The actual numbers for indebtedness for 2005 averaged for all schools is $125685 (from ASCO under data and surveys).
  7. “AOA optometry dues too high” – Yes, I agree. Next question.
  8. “average number of new patients seen for start up optometric practice” – Um, try zero.
  9. “how to become an optometrist” – First, get good grades in high school. Then get good grades at college (state universities are just fine). Schmooze influential faculty members your first two years of college to get a good recommendation letter for your optometry school application. Take the OAT and get a good score. Then apply for optometry school your third year of college. Get an interview and do really well. Get accepted to optometry school. Take out $150K in student loans. Get good grades in optometry school. Take the NBEO and pass all sections. Graduate. Get a state license when your NBEO passing scores are released. Do temp work from May to July of your graduation year (I made frozen dinners). Start practicing around July of your graduation year. Wow, you know, for all the same work you could have entered a career field that pays better or entered a field that pays just as much but requires less time and loan money.
  10. “what should you know about optometry” – well, for starters see the previous question. You should also know that you are paid according to how many exams you do. You can only do so many exams, and people will only be willing to pay so much for an exam, so already you are limiting yourself. If you want to make some real money you need to consider a career field that allows you to sell an infinite amount of widgets to anyone, anywhere in the world.
  11. “How to make optometrist buy from you.” – As I’ve said before, that shouldn’t be too hard. He or she chose to became an optometrist so they are easier to fool.
  12. “what pays better, a pharmacist or optometrist” – They pay the same, but the pharmacist doesn’t have $150K in student loan debt. People point out that pharmacists have to work late hours and weekends, but optometry is quickly heading in that direction.
  13. “when did eye exams become so expensive?” – Ever since the optometrist hired a practice consultant. (Again, what is the deal with putting a question mark in a web search?)
  14. “optometry school worth it” – Only if you want to be an optometrist. A better question would be which optometry school makes it the most worth it.
  15. “how much school does an optomitrist have” – Bad spelling aside, the short answer is eight years post high school.
  16. “laws against 1800 contacts” – Yah, there should be a law that says someone else can’t take my business away from me without my permission. The government needs to fix all my problems. Where’s my binky?
  17. “are prompt pay discounts for medical exams legal” – The previous billing expert I listened to said yes. The one before him said up to a reasonable amount like 10%. The true answer should be I should be able to charge whatever I want to whoever I want, but thanks to the government and insurance contracts that is not possible.
  18. “what to take in high school to become an optometrist?” – Take whatever the heck you want. Who cares about high school? College is the new high school. By the way, why take the extra effort to type in a question mark in a search box?
  19. “what retinoscope looks like” – Shh! It’s a secret.
  20. “optometrist jokes” – I would refer you to some excellent, witty cartoons sketched on a mouse pad by a charming optometrist.

Well, that concludes the first edition of Answers to Your Search Questions. I’ll release more later, so stay tuned.